I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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