they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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