I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
