take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
