Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
