I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
