I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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