I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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