i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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