I accidentally burped into my bong.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
