Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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