no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have fence marks all over my body
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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