i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
