Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
