He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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