I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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