yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
