your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
