just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
