Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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