so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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