Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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