Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
this boner is exhausting
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
