lets start a swedish sibling band together
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
