it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
