Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
