My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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