The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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