my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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