Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
