some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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