I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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