If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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