He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
