Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
