I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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