look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
porn star boner night. come get it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
