the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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