In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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