Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
