oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
