4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize