Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
