the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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