i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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