I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
