So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
