You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
