Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize