dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
