She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
