I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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