She is in my trunk
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
