I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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