I could have mohawked her pubes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish you could order shots online.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
