My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
