Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
