So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
