I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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