There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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