Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
