i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
