The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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