Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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