Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
