btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
