wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
