you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
