...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
