He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
