glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
FUCK WHALES
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
